I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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