I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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