How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
