One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
