Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
