textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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