he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
