Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am mentally ready for anal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
