My room smells like vodka and shame
her vagine was all disorganized.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
