She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
