the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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