Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
