y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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