Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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