My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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