My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
