she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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