I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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