I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
