Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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