I'm eating all of the evidence.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
