I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
