What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
