Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
try to milk me bitch
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