I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
