Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
