he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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