Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
