his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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