In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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