Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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