my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
