Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
