Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
