I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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