We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
