You're my little dorito
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
