we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
