she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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