I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
