Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
