i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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