i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
