Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
