So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
