His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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