Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
