Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
