mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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