hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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