I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
